Treize Production Company: Sleeping Beauty
by Misako Hashiba
Summary: Treize Kushrinada decides to put on a play. Some language may not be to your liking.


Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, Treize Kushrinada's all male acting  
troupe proudly presents....Sleeping Beauty!  
  
Treize: Hello. I am Treize Kushrinada, your host for this morning. Today-  
Cale: Hold up, hold up!  
Treize: What is it?  
Cale: It's su/pposed/ to be to be blah, blah, blah your host for this   
/evening/!  
Treize: Not at 6:47 in the morning.  
Cale: *throws hands in air* I give up! *walks off*  
Treize: As I was saying before I was so /rudely/ interrupted, today we  
are going to preform for you, the classic tale of Sleeping Beauty.  
Audience: YAY!  
Treize: Before we get started, I'd like to indroduce to you, the cast of  
characters. *a whole lotta people shuffle out* First are the king and   
queen. *Kuwabara and Kurama step forward*  
Kuwabara: Hey, hey, hey, your king is in /da house/!  
Kurama: *smacks head**mutters* I can't believe Treize made me this /nutball's/  
wife...  
Treize: And their daughter. *Quatre steps forward*  
Quatre: *in a pink, fluffy, silk dress**blushing* Can I be the prince   
instead?  
Treize: No. Now then, King Kuwabara and Queen Kurama were desperately  
wishing they had a child.  
Kurama: No we weren't.  
Treize: Lo and behold, one day, their wish was granted.  
Quatre: Whatever happened to introducing the cast?  
Treize: The king and queen invited the entire kingdom to pay homage to their  
beautiful little girl.  
Kuwabara: Welcome, welcome! Presents go in a pile over there, baby's over   
there, and the food's on the table at the back.  
Kurama: *eyes all the guests* I can't help but feel like I've forgotten something...  
Kuwabara: It'll pass.  
Treize: As the day wore on, all the guests bestowed their gifts upon the princess.  
Quatre: I'm a /boy/!  
Treize: *ignores him* Now, it was the three fairies' turn.  
Wufei: *walks up to baby-think-it-over sitting in a bassinet**wearing green tutu,   
tights and slippers**mumbles* I'll get you for this Trieze! *louder* I bestow my   
gift of strength upon you. *smacks baby with glittery green wand*  
Kurama: Don't tap the baby so hard!  
Wufei: *smirks slightly**steps back*  
Sage: *steps forward, wearing rose red tutu, tights and slippers* My gift is the gift  
of beauty. *taps baby with glittery red frying pan*  
Kuwabara: Oooo my girl's gonna be a knockout!  
Kurama: Kuwabara, PLEASE!  
Kuwabara: Sorry dear.  
Kurama: Oh shut up.  
Hiei: *walks up to baby, wearing a blue tutu, tights and slippers**deadpan**mutters* Oh  
goodie, my turn. *louder* My gift is-  
Voice: HEY!  
Treize: Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked at the figure standing on top  
of all the food.  
Kurama: Who are you?  
Voice: I am...Farfarello!  
Kuwabara: *aside to audience* Dun dun dun.  
Farf: *in black tutu, tights, slippers...and straightjacket, which wasn't fastened**hops   
off table* Leave /me/ off your guest list, eh?  
Kurama: I KNEW I was forgetting something!  
Farf: Well, fine. I see how it is. *walks to baby* But to show that I'm not such a bad   
sport, I, too, will give the brat a gift. Move over shorty. *shoves Hiei aside* My gift is...  
when she turns 16, she will slash her wrist on a convieniantly placed butcher knife.......   
and DIE! *waves sleeve over baby*  
Kuwabara: *gasp* NO!!  
Farf: *maniacal laughter*  
Kurama: Please undo your spell! I didn't /mean/ to forget you!  
Farf: Sorry, but you should have double-checked your stinkin list /before/ you had this little  
shindig. Tootles! *disappears in a puff of smoke*  
Yohji: *snuffs out ciggarette butt* Man, that's the last time I agree to help with the special  
effects. What a waste of cigs! *pulls out another one and lights it*  
Treize: The party was now a complete disaster.  
Kurama: *sobbing* My poor, poor, little girl!  
Kuwabara: *comforts him..er her* Don't worry Kurama. I'll just have every knife and sharp object  
melted down and turned into jewelery.  
Sage: If it's any consolation to Your Majesties, Hiei still has /his/ gift to give.  
Hiei: *crosses arms* I want to change first.  
Kurama: *teary eyed* But what about my baby?  
Hiei: No.  
Kurama: *tear slides down cheek* Please?  
Hiei: *defeated sigh* Fine. But you /owe/ me! *approaches baby* I can't remove the spell completely,   
but I /can/ make it less harsh. *holds up glittery blue wand* Farfarello's spell, should it come true,   
the princess will not die but only sleep. *taps baby with wand*  
Kuwabara: Thank you great Blue Fairy! *snickers under his breath*  
Hiei: *glares at him* Uh-huh. *walks over and scowls at everyone with Wufei*  
Kurama: Now what are we gonna do? I don't trust that evil fairy at all! Our baby will /never/   
be safe.  
Sage: /Not/ a problem! Wufei, Hiei and I will take care of her.  
Wufei: O.O WHAT?!  
Kuwabara: Great! *takes baby from bassenet and tosses it to Sage*  
Kurama: Careful! That's our /baby/!  
Hiei: Chill, Kurama, it's FAKE!  
Kurama: *sticks tongue out at him*  
Treize: So the three good fairies took the baby princess and headed out to a little cottage in the middle  
of the woods. *gestures to a lego house sitting on the floor next to a potted plant* Soon, it was the   
princess's 16th birthy-er birthday.  
Wufei: *hands Quatre a whicker basket* Go pick some berries.  
Quatre: Ok. I've got nothing better to do. *takes basket and walks outside**stands by another potted plant*   
Yeesh, picking berries is boring.  
Treize: Quit complaining. *ahem* Unbeknownst to Princess Quatre-  
Quatre: I. Am. A. Boy!!! *stomps foot on ground*  
Treize: Prince Omi was riding his horse nearby.  
Omi: La la la la LAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  
Yohji: *following Omi with two coconut halves* Oi! Could you leave out the bad singing? Please?  
Omi: *glares* Just make the clip clop sounds, Yohji.  
Yohji: Alright, alright! *continues clapping coconut halves together*  
Quatre: *singing I'm Your Friend*  
Omi: Hark! *pulls reigns on stick horse*  
Yohji: *doesn't see him stop and walks into him*  
Omi: Ow!  
Yohji: Sorry.  
Omi: *pretends to strain ears* What a beautiful voice. I wonder where it's coming from.  
Treize: So Prince Omi-  
Quatre: Why can't /he/ be the princess?  
Treize: Keep singing. *once Quatre's singing again* So, Prince Omi followed the sound of Quatre's   
voice until it led him to the clearing the Princess was at.  
Omi: Wow, she's beautiful!  
Treize: Not wanting to wait any longer, the prince jumped out in front of her, causing Quatre   
to piss her pants, I mean dress.  
Quatre: O.O *blush* Excuse me, I have to go change my stockings now... *quickly runs out of the room*  
Omi: *stands there looking lost* Um...What am I supposed to do now?  
Treize: *thinking fast* Princess Quatre, embarrassed beyond belief from pissing her dress, ran from the   
scene. Meanwhile, Farf the Evil Fairy was extremely upset.  
Omi: Good save.  
Treize: Thank you.  
Farf: ARGH! Where is that stupid girl?! She couldn't have just disappeared into /nothing/!  
Heero: I'll find her. *leaves*  
Farf: While he does that...*tosses a knife into the air and catches it* I might as well juggle and do a   
crappy job of it. *whistles and juggles knives*  
Heero: *walks back in* Found her.  
Farf: Yay! Where??  
Heero: Changing stockings. She pissed her other ones in the woods.  
Farf: *drops to the floor laughing*  
Quatre: *from dressing room* IT'S NOT FUNNY!  
Heero: *calls back* YES IT IS!  
Farf: *recovers* Time to attack. Grab some rope, we're going princessing! *skips out singing Smurfs theme*  
Heero: *gives him a weird look* Heaven help us!  
Farf: *crouching outside dressing room door* Shhh. We need to catch her by surprise.  
Heero: *nods*  
Farf: *door opens* NOW! *he pounces, holding his victim as Heero ties her up*  
Omi: HEY! Lemme go!  
Farf: Oooo I got to catch a princess but get a prince instead. COOL! Now I can torture him!!  
Omi: Say WHAT?! That's not in the script!  
Treize: So Farf and Heero took their captive back to Farf's padded room*  
Farf: *chains Omi to the wall* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This is gonna be SO much fun!  
Omi: *big scared chibi eyes* Help me!  
Heero: There /is/ no help for you.  
Omi: *whimpers*  
Treize: While this was happening, Quatre had /finally/ emerged from the dressing room-  
Quatre: I wasn't in the dressing room. I was in the bathroom.  
Treize: Whatever. She told her three guardians what happened.  
Wufei: *rolling on the floor* Oh MAN! I /still/ can't believe you did that!  
Quatre: Shut up Wufei!!  
Hiei: *snickering*  
Sage: *grinning broadly* Well, you have met somebody, now have you.  
Quatre: Sorta. Aside from him scaring the...daylights outta me, he was really nice.  
Hiei: But he could have been carrying a knife.  
Wufei: Yeah, you coul have had Farf's spell come true.  
Quatre: I'm sorry guys! It's just that I was sick of only having /you/ to talk to!  
Sage: Ok, ok. Enough. It's time to take you back to the castle. Your parents will be happy to see you.  
Quatre: But what about-  
Hiei: Tough nuts, kid.  
Trieze: Sage, Wufei, and Hiei took Quatre back to the castle. But, seeing how upset she was at not being  
able to be with her new friend, they left her alone for awhile.  
Wufei: He'll be fine.  
Hiei: You mean she.  
Wufei: Oh yeah.  
Trieze: Back at Farf's padded room, Omi was finally by himself.  
Omi: It's about /time/ that psycho left me alone! *tugs on chains* Damn, how am I supposed to get out of here?  
Sage: *appears in a shower of glitter* Ugh, this stuff will take /forever/ to wash out!  
Yohji: *snickers*  
Sage: *ahem* Fear not young prince! We are here to help you.  
Omi: We? All I see is you.  
Sage: *blink* Eh? *looks around* Dman it! WUFEI, HIEI GET IN HERE /NOW/!  
Hiei: Ok, ok! Yeesh, you don't have to yell!  
Wufei: Yeah. Talk about alerting Farf we're here.  
Sage: Stuff it. We need to get the kid to the castle. You two unchain him.  
Wufei: What about you?  
Sage: I have to wash this frickin glitter out of my hair. *leaves*  
Hiei: Great. Well, let's get this over with. *he and Wufei unchain Omi*  
Omi: Thanks guys. Now to get to my love! *makes face* Ick, I can't believe I just /said/ that.  
Hiei: /I/ can't believe Treize made me a fairy!  
Wufei: C'mon we have to get to the stupid castle.  
Treize: So the three ran back to the castle. However, they wouldn't make it in time.  
Quatre: *grumbles* I hate being a girl! Why couldn't /Omi/ be the princess??  
Old Woman: What's the matter, dearie?  
Quatre: Oh! Hello there. *eyebrow* What's with the black straight jacket?  
Old Woman: *looks down* Oh, this old thing? I just wanted to make a fashion statement.  
Quatre: Oh. Say, what's that you're playing with?  
Old Woman: It's called a knife. Want to hold it?  
Quatre: Cool. Never seen one of those before. *reaches for knife*  
Old Woman: *smiles evilly and slashes her wrist*  
Quatre: OW!!! *falls to the floor*  
Old Woman: *whips off clothes to reveal true self* MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Farfie wins the game! *kicks   
Quatre in the side and prances out of the room*  
Treize: About this time, Omi and two of the three good fairies arrived on the scene.  
Hiei: Oh no. we are too late.  
Wufei: Darn. Well, looks like we can't finish the story. See ya. *starts to walk off*  
Treize: Not so fast Fairy boy. *yanks him back by the collar of his leotard* The Prince needs to wake up  
Sleeping Beauty first.  
Wufei: Oh so THAT'S the story we're doing.  
Hiei: Just hurry up and do it so I can go /change/. I /hate/ this tutu!  
Omi: Wait a sec...doesn't the Prince have to /kiss/ the princess?  
Treize: Of course. How do you think she wakes up?  
Omi: A nice handshake?  
Wufei: Just do it. I have to pee really bad!  
Omi: *sigh* Fine. *walks over to Quatre and crouches next to him* There ain't NO way I'm kissing him! *bandages   
his..er her wrist instead* There.  
Quatre: *sits up* Oh THANK you! *hugs Omi* You saved my life!  
Omi: Um...You're welcome.  
Quatre: *skips off*  
Treize: With the princess revived, the kingdom was rejoicing. The king, once he saw Farf's act, decided to hire   
him to juggle for the court. Everybody lived happily ever after. The end.  
Wufei: FINALLY! *runs to bathroom*  
Hiei: Well, Sage is going to get a big surprise.  
Sage: *in shower* WUFEI GET OUT!  
Wufei: But I gotta PEE!  
Hiei: I'm gonna change.  
Omi: I think I'm gonna go into therapy...  
Treize: Tune in next time when we-  
Cast: HELL NO!!  
Treize: Or not... 


End file.
